The Importance of Mentors & How to Find Them
They are out they and they want to be found.
"Get mentors." That's Alexa von Toble's advice to young entrepreneurs.
Von Toble, who remains CEO of LearnVest, the financial planning company which sold for more than $250 million in 2015, echoes something we've always promoted at Create & Cultivate.
Mentors are not only a wealth of information for the career-driven young-preneur, they also help boost your confidence by given you actionable advice. Something we consider vital when you're starting out.
So why mentors?
Mentors are inspiring
Ask any successful person about their career trajectory and they will always cite people who have inspired them. They have stories that push us to work harder. They've made mistakes we can learn from. They have wins that keep us going.
It's like having an inspirational professional playbook.
Mentors tell you when you should do better
Constructive criticism is easier to take from a mentor than from a boss. If you've chosen one or two people who you really trust, then you can remove any workplace issues or resentments that make it hard to hear what your boss (or superior) is saying.
No one likes being told that they're wrong. Or that their work needs improvement. But when it is coming from an objective third party, it's much easier to stomach and will likely inspire you to *gasp* do better.
Mentors have key relationships
If you impress your mentor, chances are they are going to find a way to connect you to other people who matter, professionally speaking. Often this can happen naturally. People who are willing to be mentors like connecting the dots and as such, will connect the dots.
Plus paying it forward is a win-win. When you are in a position to introduce them or connect them to new clients, do it.
Mentors know what it takes to make it
Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. That's what it takes, and when you're midnight-deep in another oil burner at the office, and you don't think you can do it anymore, a text to your mentor that reminds you they were once (and probably still are — because making it means even later hours) in the same boat, goes a long way.
They've also heard "NO" a million ways and never gave up.
A little bit of encouragement from someone you respect and trust? That's the juice that turns into a money-making smoothie.
Just because you’ve made it, doesn’t mean you don’t need a mentor
Sophia Rivka Rossi co-founder of HelloGiggles, has “made it” by most professional standards. The feel-good company online platform was acquired by TIME last year for an estimated $30 million. And yet, when speaking with Elizabeth Rice and Julie Cutler, co-founders of SoulCycle, she cited both women as her mentors, and who she continues to look to for for inspiration. Smart, savvy, successful business women never stop learning. It's how you grow. Even when you think you're tall AF — there are still professional inches to be gained.
Where to find them
One, at Create & Cultivate. Have you become an insider yet?
Two, six degrees of separation is real. One very simple way to see who knows who you want to know, is to look through who your friends follow on Instagram. You'd be surprised to find out how interwoven our lives are. Then, craft that DM and tell person X that you'd love to bring them coffee and take 15 minutes of their time.
It could be the beginning of an amazing working relationship.
MORE ON THE BLOG
This One Is For the Nice Girls At Work
Hey nice girl, we need to talk.
Attention all nice girls, let’s really talk. Being the nice girl is honestly nothing nice. Both in our personal lives and on our grind (a.k.a our work life) we get treated as outsiders. Before I get into this, let me describe what a nice girl is: the girl who puts their best self forward every day with a positive attitude and tries their best to avoid the negativity that surrounds them. We are the opposite of the girl who always gives you an attitude, has nothing nice to say, and well— somehow finds the wrong way to talk to you.
In this new age of social media people are continuously trying to put each other down, and somehow it is all becoming normal. With all of the conflict around us, I’d rather be the light at the end of the tunnel. There is no reason to feed into all the negativity, but instead, I believe it’s important to put my best foot forward each day with positive affirmations and a level head. Someone needs to be the positive one in the friend group, right?
Growing up through adolescence and now in my adult life, people have always tried to take advantage of my nice girl attitude and have attempted to discredit my ability to get things done (as if being nice would ever prevent me from being successful anyway). I’ve had friends who have teased me for not being “tough” enough and coworkers who’ve advised me to be more “stern”. A message to everyone out there: my presence of niceness does not mean the absence of a backbone. It also definitely does not mean you can run over me; I can and will speak up for myself when I feel I need to and not when you feel I should - I can do that with a smile, too.
The nice girl side effects don’t stop in your personal life, however. Like I’d mentioned, you’re expected to be even more stern in the workplace. Personally, I’ve been told several times to be tougher, and worse - it’s often been implied directly or indirectly that I might not make it far. Question is, what’s so wrong with holding on to good character? Are we really a little too positive? Does not conforming to the ideal “boss attitude” intimidate you? Do you feel that you can take advantage of me? Does my good character offend you? All hell no’s!
There has been several (and I mean several) instances in the workplace that has really made me rethink if I should shift my attitude - should I conform and be rougher on the edges? I’ve had a boss feel that she could scream at me. I’ve even had a coworker be rude to me daily (and we all know that’s uncalled for). I felt that I got those responses because somehow being nice meant, “I am less than and I don’t deserve to be respected.” Don’t get me wrong though, as I said before, I will speak up for myself, but somehow when you show too much niceness people forget what respect is even on the days you demand it. Even if you speak up when needed, it’s somehow laughable and isn’t taken seriously because you’re “just the nice girl”.
Somehow the nice girls get painted as a villain. I’ve had people get irritated with me because I’m too nice. We even get victimized for following our authentic behavior because we don’t want to be the “mean” girl everyone else wants us to be— well, at least I do. It’s a double edged sword - a lose-lose game.
You know what— yes, I am the nice girl and I am proud of it. I’d rather spew positivity into the workplace and in my personal life. I’d rather respond with a smile and a nice comment. I really want to help you, and no I don’t want to be lunged into any work drama. No, I am not faking any of it. I’m beaming with the utmost sincerity.
You know what— yes, I am the nice girl and I am proud of it. I’d rather spew positivity into the workplace and in my personal life.
Advice to those telling us not to be who we are: let us, the nice girls, speak our truth. We are nice but that is not a green light to take advantage of us - we’re human just like you. We decide to pick positivity over negativity because we believe it makes a better atmosphere for everyone. We decide to treat others the same exact way we want to be treated. Most importantly, we decide to not emerge ourselves into drama. We will not stoop down to some petty level of negativity because we will kill with kindness (a skill few can master and most are fearful of). We like the nice girl that we are and man, it feels good to be nice. What can we say, we’re living our best life. Nice girls are total badasses.
Guess what? We don’t have to turn into this grumpy person to be successful. We can greet you with smile. We can be morning people. We can be okay with someone you may not be okay with. You know it’s acceptable to be likable, right? Sometimes it’s not necessary to have something mean and criticizing to say. Ladies, you don’t have to be this mean girl to get ahead, because guess what - men definitely don’t have to follow the same standards as we do to reach the same end goal.
Listen ladies, don’t be afraid to be exactly who you are. There will be people will try to put you down or cramp your style, but you are a special kind of person. Find your place at work and don’t move for no one. Trust me, I know, you are the positive person everyone wish they could be. Continue to live your truth. Continue to be that light wherever you can be. This world needs more of us, more nice girls.
Written by: Epiphany Ciers. Follow her here: Online Portfolio.
MORE FROM OUR BLOG
How to Make Sunday Your #SlayDay
We came to slay, boss.
The 40-hour workweek is the new part time (we're crying too, however efficiently). Which means working on a Sunday? That's what we're doing right now.
But how can you focus your energy to make Sunday your #slayday instead of that #lazyday?
Here are three ways to set fire to the first day of the week.
HANDLE ALL BILL BIZ
As much as we know it pains you, all bills and adult life things you should handle on Sunday. Why? 1. How does it feel to have waited till the last minute to figure out what you owe Uncle Sam? Probably worse than watching those hard earn dollars head off to those monsters (joking) at the IRS. 2. The small tasks we allow to take up space in our head make the free time we have way less enjoyable. And it's SO IMPORTANT TO ENJOY STUFF. If you're at a boozy Sunday brunch worried about that health insurance bill you didn't pay, or the car payment that's a few days late, it's affecting your good time. When something affect your good time, it affects your mood and your productivity.
WRITE YOUR GOALS FOR THE WEEK
If you want to be #goals, you better damn well set some. The great thing about writing a weekly goal list, is that it's ever-changing. If this week your goals are to: read 50 pages a night, do squats every day, and not use Postmates once--NOT ONCE-- (ahem, welcome to my goals), you have a much better chance at accomplishing them. Next week you can set new goals. Guess what? Checking these small, achievable, though hardly arbitrary goals off your list, imbues you with a sense of accomplishment and confidence needed to tackle larger tasks.
"If you want to be #goals, you better damn well set some."
Tweet this.
SPEND TWO HOURS ON YOUR SIDE HUSTLE
Remember that book about giving a mouse a cookie? Sure you do. Well, our careers are kind of like that. We all have our "cookie" job, the one that sustains us, but we also all need a little milk to go with it. The issue most of us have is where to find the time to get that milk. Easy: on Sunday. If you spend just two hours on a Sunday (which, face it, you easily spend combing Instagram) working on your side hustle, imagine what you can accomplish within the year. The truth is, the hustle does sleep, but it works smarter than you're working right now. Your side hustle does have to be your FT passion-- but you do have to commit time to it, instead of sitting around during the week WISHING you had more time.
"The truth is, the hustle does sleep, but it works smarter than you're working right now."
Tweet this.
MORE FROM OUR BLOG
Dos and Don'ts for Overcoming the Worst Work Day Ever
When it feels like Monday all week long.
Written by: Crosby Noricks
From the outside, owning your own business means waking up each morning Cinderella-style; singing with the sunrise, adorable little bluebirds helping you to get dressed, a zippity doo dah of gratitude and oh yeah, great hair.
And sure, on those days when everything is humming along, professional independence is a bit like being the fairy godmother of your own life. But we all know life itself is no fairy tale. Some days, you wake up just not feeling it. at. all.
It could be the never-ending news cycle horrors, a fight with your main squeeze, a good morning panic attack (a recent study found that 72% of entrepreneurs surveyed cited a mental health concern, the struggle IS real), or a go-go-go couple of weeks that have left you tired in all the parts and places a human can be tired.
When something personal is affecting you professionally, try out some of these guidelines to help you persevere through those ups and downs.
After all, you still have to make sure someone is driving the carriage and paying attention to that midnight deadline.
Don’t resist reality
Sometimes it’s our unwillingness to accept what’s actually happening that ends up causing us the most pain. All that running from what’s going on makes moving on harder, not to mention leaves you wide open for an emotion-filled sneak attack when you least expect it. Often, you will immediately feel better when you clearly acknowledge your emotional attachment; “My dad is in the hospital and I am scared,” or “I wasn’t able to secure sponsorships during yesterday’s conference call and I’m second-guessing myself.” Get a handle on the root of the problem.
For Brand Consultant and Certified Coach Stacey Hagen, a tough spot is a call to go inward. “Since I'm ultimately responsible for the energy I bring and I don't want that energy influencing a client on a coaching call, I do my best to sort out whatever is going on prior to getting on a client call. I do this by meditating and journaling. It helps me clear my mind so I can show up fully and hold space.”
Ask yourself, “what do I need to do to feel better?” and start there. A quick 20-minute walk or bitch session with a friend who gets it can work wonders.
Do fix what you can
For circumstances where there’s miscommunication and frustration building between yourself and someone else, getting on the path to peace might be easier than you think. Consider the adage, “no one can resist a non-resistant person.” This phrase is one Relationship Coach and Therapist Kelli Adame uses to help her clients move into a non-resistant, acceptant flow around a challenging affair. She suggests, “the next time you’re dealing with a difficult interpersonal conflict, focus on validating the other person by making them right. Everyone has the right to feel and think whatever they want, after all. Making the other person feel heard is the first step toward de-escalating a situation and puts the other person in a better mindset to receive what you need to deliver.” Adame recommends using this language “I hear everything that you are saying and you have every right to that concern AND I’d like or I need (whatever you have to negotiate).”
Do tell those you trust
Now, it might not be the most professional of declarations but sometimes getting real with your network about certain challenges can deepen rapport.
For Alex Moresco, a Chicago-based entertainment publicist and star of the new original reality web series “PRGirl”, a Lyme Disease diagnosis in 2016 completely changed how she approached working with clients. “Working and balancing a chronic illness can be incredibly tricky, especially in a service based industry such as PR. I have been especially fortunate to work with clients that I now also call my friends, and who genuinely care about my wellbeing. It is imperative that I am transparent with clients about my limitation so I can set expectations and provide the best service possible.
Don’t silo yourself
You could go back to bed and wallow in whatever has you down. It’s your company after all, and if you need to close up shop to get your mind right before getting back in the game, it’s a viable option. However, there’s a fine line between hiding out and simply giving yourself some necessary, though temporary, down-time.
That said, the quickest way to stop self-pity is to focus on serving others. Making valuable business introductions or taking your new intern to lunch are all easy-effort acts to get outside yourself and into the feel-goods that doing for others sparks. For an instant uplifting mood boost, Adame loves to simply buy the person behind her in line coffee.
Whether you choose to shut down or power through, how you handle your rough days can shed light onto your values and expectations as a business owner, it also models to self-care for your own team, clients and partners. Not all situations or solutions are one-size fits all of course, but over time you’ll learn how to overcome not-so-ideal days with ease and grace and find a regimen for achieving happiness and professional sustainability that fits your personal needs and gets you back on track toward happily-ever-after.
Crosby Noricks is the founder and director of PR Couture, the sourcebook for fashion and lifestyle communicators. As part of the site’s own 10-year anniversary celebration, Crosby launched The Bespoke Communication Awards, a global online award program established to recognize excellence among agencies, in-house teams, individuals and brands.
MORE FROM OUR BLOG
C&C Classifieds No 62: WeddingWire, Patagonia & Peloton
Peddle your way to work right over here.
Looking for a job is spooky stuff. But it doesn't have to be.
First you need to figure out what you really want in a job. Then, apply. And next, apply yourself. This week's Create & Cultivate Classifieds below.
WeddingWire - Washington, DC
Patagonia - Ventura, CA
Ellen Digital Ventures - Burbank, CA
Peloton - NY, NY
Mastercard - NY,NY
Girlgaze - LA, CA
Want the full list of our classifieds?
SIGN UP HERE
photo credit: Smith House Photo
MORE FROM OUR BLOG
Being Interviewed? Here Is the Only Piece of Advice You Need
Ok.. so it's three pieces of advice. We're givers.
photo credit: Smith House Photography
So. It's finally happened. The day has come when an editor or blogger has reached out to YOU because they want to profile you/your business/your brain on their outlet.
Has the panic set in yet? While there is plenty of advice we could dole out-- be AUTHENTIC ( are you sick of that word yet?), be honest, be prepared, ask for the questions in advance so you can prep, know your audience, know your interviewer and check out their past work-- the list goes on. And while most of that advice matters, we're sharing our top three picks.
1. Contrary to what you just read-- Don't ask for the questions in advance.
Does that scare you? It should. Be nervous. Revel in nervous. The best content comes from a place of discomfort. And as such, the best interviews aren't prepared. If you're accepting the interview in the first place, you should have trust that you're in good interviewer hands. But pre-planned answers and media training. You know your work. You need to trust in yourself as well. Actress Zoey Deutch once told us, "I don't know if media trained Zoey is a role I want to play." And asking for questions in advance is just that-- you playing a role.
2. Do it over the phone or in person.
Everyone has gotten pretty lazy when it comes to the interview. In part, the email Q&A is the fault of the content churn and burn-- you can't produce multiple in-person interviews per day. Transcription is time consuming. It's much easier to send things via email and have the subject do the work for you. Everyone is guilty of this because there isn't enough time. TIME YOU DEVIL.
But WHEN and IF possible always ask to do it over the phone or in-person. Your responses and your personality will shine through in the piece. That's what you want the public to see.
And if you're the interviewer, or green to this whole profession and feel more comfortable conducting an interview over email, today's the day: it's time to step out of your comfort zone. That's where the good content is.
"Today's the day: It's time to get out of your comfort zone."
Tweet this.
3. Learn how to speak in Tweets.
Sure, Twitter may have upped the character limit to 280 for some users, (and man, people don't like it) but you still need to talk in Tweets. Call them "sound bites" or "quotables," just don't call them late for dinner! But really, if you want your interview to be shared (which, is the goal for most) you need to make sure that it is sharable. That doesn't mean dumbing down your language. Brevity is the soul of wit. Wit gets Tweeted. Wit gets shared.
When we get nervous we tend to ramble. Rambling lives at the corner of no one is reading and high bounce rate. Don't overthink sounding smart. Sound human. Be human. (Goes back to not asking for questions in advance.)
Many women we've spoken to are masters at this. Kristen Bell. Sophia Bush. Yvonne Orji.
Examples include:
"Don’t let your feelings of self-worth come from detached clicks."
"Let social media be fun. Don’t let it be important."
"I stand my ground and do my thing as me. I can go toe-to-toe with the next guy."
But they're famous you say. People pay attention to them no matter what. Did you ever think people started paying attention because they knew this was key to mastering the interview?
Think about it.
MORE FROM OUR BLOG
You're Not Following This One Rule & It's Costing You the Job
Nobody likes an overacheiver.
photo credit: The Jungalow
You have a great resume and you’ve applied to multiple jobs, but haven’t gotten a response. What’s the problem? It might be that you’re not following this one simple rule. You might not be following the directions on the job application. It sounds so obvious and so simple, but it’s far easier to mess up than you might think.
Don’t be an overachiever
Career Builder estimates that 44% of millennials ages 25-34 have a side hustle and take on multiple roles at once. You might be one of those who constantly strives to do more and put your best foot forward, but this is not the place to do it. When a job application asks for a specific set of documents or portfolio pieces, provide exactly what is asked and nothing more.
It sounds tempting to go above and beyond what is asked of you, but what this really does is create more work for those on the other end. With an average of 250 applicants per job application, (one Google recruiter estimated that the company receives around three million resumes annually) recruiters and hiring managers already have enough information to sift through. Adding just one more document or piece of information exponentially adds to their workload, which won’t necessarily work in your favor. Instead of including additional information or sample work, try to include the most pertinent information that effectively highlights your achievements in the least amount of space.
Provide the right information
If the job application asks you to discuss a specific detail or why you would be great at a specific role, make sure that you actually discuss that information. It’s easy to get side tracked and talk about other details or qualifications, but it’s crucial to follow the directions and include the information specifically noted in the job description.
For instance, if a job description asks you to show how you will help the company build on industry trends and lead the team in customer satisfaction, highlight your achievements that reflect your ability to do this. Discuss times when you used innovative tactics to excel in customer service. The more specific and relatable information you can provide, the better.
For best results, create SOAR stories that directly relate to the information or qualifications requested in the job description. This will help you get noticed, and will also help prepare you for a potential interview.
Read everything thoroughly
"We are continuously anticipating what we will see, hear or feel next," Dr. Lars Muckli, a researcher at the University of Glasgow's Institute of Neuroscience and Psychology told Phys.org. This is why it’s so easy to miss something crucial when reading a job description. We often anticipate and make assumptions about what is being asked of us instead of actually looking at the text. Every single job application is different, and it’s important to remember that there is no “one size fits all” when it comes to your resume. Make sure you read the job description and application thoroughly and make note of specific requirements, requests, or directions.
Highlighting key words or phrases throughout the job description is a great way to ensure that you’re including exactly what is being asked of you, and it will also help you create a more customized resume. By noting the specifics of the job description, you will be able to integrate these into your resume and cover letter to create a more effective and searchable document.
____________
It’s easy to feel like more is better, but when it comes to applying for jobs, it’s not. If you’re not following the directions and reading the specifications of the job application, you may be costing yourself the role. Do your homework, send in exactly what is asked of you, and create a concise document that highlights exactly how amazing you are. It’s better to give one example of a time you achieved greatness, than to drone on about multiple vague experiences.
A native San Franciscan, Michele Lando is a Certified Professional Resume Writer and founder of writestylesonline.com. She has a passion for helping others present the best version of themselves, both on paper and in person, and works to polish individuals' application package and personal style. Aiming to help create a perfect personal branding package, Write Styles presents tips to enhance your resume, style, and boost your confidence.
MORE FROM OUR BLOG
The 1 Question That Helps Me Combat Negative Thinking
Be kind to yourself today.
The 1 Question That Helps Me Combat Negative Thinking, originally appeared on Shine, a free daily text to help you thrive.
I like to think I'm an unofficial expert on negative thinking. It's not unusual for me to start and finish the day ruminating on something that could go wrong—but most likely won't. And I typically take my lunch with a side of worry, too.
I'm far from alone in experiencing negative thoughts: The average person has 60,000 thoughts per day, according to the Cleveland Clinic. Of those thoughts: 95 percent repeat each day, and, on average, 80 percent of repeated thoughts are negative.
I've tried numerous tactics to cut the negativity, including but not limited to: Shouting "STOP" in my head when a negative thought appears, softly singing "Oops!…I Did It Again" to drown out the thoughts (thanks, BritBrit!), writing down all my negative thoughts to see my irrational thinking, and meditating.
Today, thanks to a variety of tactics and professional help, I've learned to better manage my anxiety. But that doesn't mean I'm "negative thought-free." I'm still human—so I'm always on the lookout for new strategies to check my negativity. Recently, I found an easy trick that's helped. It doesn't involve a 10-minute meditation or setting aside time to journal—all it involves is asking yourself one simple question: "Is this useful?"
You control which thoughts matter
I learned about this mindfulness hack from popular self-help blogger Eric Barker, who runs the blog Barking Up the Wrong Tree. In a recent post about emotional strength, Barker explains that we can't control which thoughts "bounce around" in our mind. What we can control: the thoughts we focus on. "You’re the thing that decides which thoughts are useful and should be taken seriously," he writes. And he shared a perfect analogy to better explain this:
"You’re not your brain; you’re the CEO of your brain. You can’t control everything that goes on in 'Mind, Inc.' But you can decide which projects get funded with your attention and action." - Eric Barker
Ask yourself: 'Is this useful?'
So, how do you decide which "projects" get funded? Barker says to ask yourself, "Is this useful?" It's a tactic Barker learned from Joseph Goldstein, a Buddhist mindfulness expert. It's designed to help you assess if a thought is serving you or others—or if it's just irrational.
"If the worry is reasonable, do something about it," Barker writes. "If it’s irrational or out of your control, recognize that. Neuroscience shows that merely making a decision like this can reduce worry and anxiety."
This past week, I decided to put the strategy to the test. When negative thoughts (unsurprisingly) popped into my head, I challenged them with a peaceful, "Is this useful?" Pausing to ask that question did a few things: First, it forced me to climb out of my thoughts and see them from a new perspective. I became CEO of Haley's Mind, Inc. My mission: To make sure thoughts bettered the company. Adopting that point of view made me more curious than concerned about what went on in my head.
"Make your thoughts work for you, not against you."
Tweet this.
Second, asking "Is this useful?" made me more intentional when I challenged my thoughts. Unlike desperately shouting at my thoughts to "STOP", I calmly faced them head-on and assessed them. I quickly decided if the thoughts served me, and I let those that didn't fall to the wayside.
I started viewing my thoughts like a Tinder scenario: I swiped left for those that didn't prove beneficial to me, and right for those that I could actually act on. I was making my thoughts work for me, not against me—and it felt good.
Take back your power
I'm definitely sticking with the "Is this useful?" tactic—and I'd recommend people with negative thoughts give it a try. But one thing I've learned as a "negative thought expert": What works for one person might not work for everyone. Mindfulness, journaling, a classic early 2000s jam—there are lots of ways to combat negative thinking. It's all about what works best for you.
However you manage your Mind, Inc., just know that you are in charge. And any unfriendly "employees"—a.k.a. negative thoughts—are yours to dismiss.
About Shine:
Shine is a free daily text message experience that makes it easier to live a more intentional life. Each weekday morning, Shine sends curated content and actionable tips across confidence, daily happiness, mental health and productivity. Why? Because we all need a little help to get through the day—and Shine’s got your back. To sign up, text “SHINE” to 759-85 or go to www.shinetext.com to learn more.
Follow Shine on Instagram, Twitter & Facebook: @ShineText
MORE FROM OUR BLOG
Hey, I Support You... But No
2 nope queens.
Nope Heart Patch by These Are Things
In biz, as in life, we all get by with a little help from our friends. But every successful entrepreneur will tell you it’s important to say no. Nope, nope, nopeity, nope, as you will. To lay down your business law, especially when you don't want to. In fact, it’s most important to say no when you really don’t want to--like when it's a friend you want to support, but can't. You know when this happens. Your gut will check you where your brain can’t.
From rejected requests to straight up ignores, we’re outlining the four ways you can say no to people you know. (We recommend some over others.)
#1 The Ghost
Saying no can be really uncomfortable. Really, really, running to the bathroom after street meat uncomfortable. Especially when it’s a friend or someone you want to continue to work with. For example, if you have a graphic designer friend/acquaintance who wants an in with some of your clients, but you don't really dig their work, you might keep pushing the request to the bottom of the barrel.
But it's not smart to put yourself in verbal handcuffs or friend jail. Don't ghost. DON'T DO IT. It's the opposite of burning a bridge; it's the refusal to build one at all.
Sometimes you think it’s easier to ignore it and if and when you run into them simply say, “oh no, it must have gone to my trash.” But that response is garbage and everyone knows it’s a lie. Ghosting makes things more uncomfortable and rude than they need to be. If It's a friend you want to keep we suggest #4.
However if you need help finding the words we suggest #3 below.
#2 The Hard No
Curt and to the point, you’ve likely been on the receiving end of this kind of ‘no.’ It can come off as dismissive and aggressive, especially as we’ve gotten rather accustomed to exclamation points. If you’re sending a cold email, it’s more likely you'll get a rather chilly response.
If you want to go this route, we suggest adding in some brief (and likewise to the point) common courtesy. Something like: “I appreciate the opportunity, but this offer is not in line with my brand.” You don’t have to dress it up in lipstick and xx’s, but you also don’t want to slam the email door in someone’s face. It’s never necessary— especially since every contact is a contact worth saving. (It’s one thing you should hoard.) (Unless it’s your psycho ex. Delete that shit.)
Responding to an ask email in a strong, not perfunctory, manner doesn't have to be rude.
“Every contact is a contact worth saving. It’s one thing you should hoard.”
However we always suggest trying your hand at #3.
#3 The Polite Pass
We like to think this is the preferred method of ‘no,’ for most business people. They are emails that take into consideration (meaning: they read) what you had to say and offer a short, but polite pass. Often they read something like: “Thanks so much for thinking of xx for this opportunity, but given her current schedule we won’t be able to make this work. Please keep her in mind for future opportunities.”
Sometimes they even go into a little more detail. You'll get feedback from someone that will help push your work forward. Try putting a "constructive no," into practice. Most people will appreciate the honesty.
For example, when someone sends C&C a pitch that has not been tailored to our content (even if it's someone I know), I'll write back explaining why this kind of pitch doesn't work and how they can adjust and change it. Sometimes it's glaringly obvious why it doesn't work (it's a dude founder that does nothing in the female space) and sometimes it's less obvious.
#4 The Elaborate Explanation
You're not writing a letter home to your grandma. You don't need the whole backstory. If it's a business contact you don't know that well, it's not appropriate.
If it's a no that you're worried is going to damage a friendship, you need to skip the writing part all together and do it in person. Or at the very least, on the phone. Tone matters and no matter how many x's and o's you stick on the bottom of your email, something will be misconstrued and poof! you're in a friend fight. Give them the respect to do it in person.
Have you had to say no to a friend? How did you deal?
MORE FROM OUR BLOG
4 Reasons Your Communication Skills are Really Lacking
Say it ain't so.
Think you’re great at communicating? Recent studies show that you might be wrong. According to PayScale, 46% of managers feel that recent graduates lack communication skills, and 44% feel that recent graduates lack clear writing skills. The difference between how graduates see themselves and how employers see graduates is frightening to say the least, and suggests that perhaps graduates aren’t gaining necessary experience while in school.
How you can brush up on your skills
Make sure that you communicate with your peers, managers, and colleagues to ensure that you’re all on the same page and nothing gets lost in translation. This will not only make your work more synchronized, but it will additionally promote respect and understanding. We’re all human and understand that unexpected events or situations arise, however if you don’t clearly communicate what you’re dealing with and feeling, people will not know and understand. If you don’t make your feelings and your situation clear, no one will be able to help.
Define your goals, priorities, and tasks
One of the best ways to clearly communicate with your peers is to define what you want to accomplish on your own, then relay this information to others. Do a self-assessment and figure out your priorities and tasks for the day, then build from there. Make an outline or a to-do list so you can clearly see what’s on your plate. Once you have figured out what you need to accomplish and how to prioritize each task, you can communicate this plan with others. You can also use applications like Trello to keep organized and keep team members up to date on your progress.
Remember that communication is a two way street
While communicating what you need from others is critical, remember that you need to ask others what they need as well. One of the downfalls many people have when it comes to communication is that they forget to ask what is needed of them. You might be communicating your needs to others, but don’t assume that others are doing the same.
Be sure to ask what is needed of you, what tasks need to be accomplished, and what deadlines need to be made. This will ensure that everyone is on the same page and that all bases are covered. If you know someone is notorious for changing the plan without communicating, get the information in writing. Send an email asking for specifics or timeline information. That way if something does change without being clearly communicated, you can refer back to the email to show the exact information you received.
No one should have to hunt you down
You never want someone to feel as though they have to hunt you down. If you want to cultivate relationships and establish trust, communicate clearly and in a timely manner. If someone feels as though they have to hunt you down to get an answer, they more than likely won’t want to work with you. Be the one to follow through with them! Follow up to a conversation, send a quick reminder for a meeting, or send an email with highlights from your previous phone call. If someone can see your reliability, this will help establish you as a reputable source and a good communicator.
_______________
Between social media, smart phones, and all the latest technology, millennials are often stereotyped for being completely connected, yet almost half of managers feel that recent graduates can’t clearly communicate. This statistic will make you rethink your communication skills, and make you want to be a better communicator. Make communication a priority, and it will help you stay on top of your tasks while also improving your reputation at work.
A native San Franciscan, Michele Lando is a Certified Professional Resume Writer and founder of writestylesonline.com. She has a passion for helping others present the best version of themselves, both on paper and in person, and works to polish individuals' application package and personal style. Aiming to help create a perfect personal branding package, Write Styles presents tips to enhance your resume, style, and boost your confidence.
MORE FROM OUR BLOG
5 Super Inspiring Women Share Their Need-to-Read Mottos
Purely positive and kickass.
photo credit: We the People
Are you looking for a some weekend inspo to help you kickass at business and life? We rounded up five our favorite ladies' mottos and words to live by.
TONI KO, Founder NYX & Perverse
Starting a business as a 25-year old minority female without any experience running a company was a huge risk in itself. My life motto has always been, “Go big or go home,” closely followed by “do or die.” A lot of the time, I just go for it! I purposely put myself in situations that force me to face my fears, and by doing so, I’m forced to deal with the repercussions, the founder told Career Contessa.
My father always said he wanted to raise his children “Spartan Style,” where only the strongest survive. He definitely succeeded. I am an extremely mentally and emotionally strong woman who isn’t afraid to take risks. I truly believe that taking risks is the only way to grow as an individual.
MAYA ANGELOU, POET
I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life’s a bitch. You’ve got to go out and kick ass.
TINA FEY, WRITER, ACTRESS, PRODUCER
“When faced with sexism or ageism or lookism or even really aggressive Buddhism, ask yourself the following question: ‘Is this person in between me and what I want to do?’ If the answer is no, ignore it and move on. Your energy is better used doing your work and outpacing people that way. Then, when you’re in charge, don’t hire the people who were jerky to you.” via Bossypants
GRETCHEN CARLON, former FOX NEWS ANCHOR
The lesson in the dream isn’t whether our fight to get to the top is for something big or small. It’s to realize that a good, happy life isn’t just handed to us. We need to work for it. We need to strap on the heavy bags and take the first step forward in the long journey up the mountain. Yes, we’ll all sweat, complain and wish we were somewhere else (maybe on that beach in Nice…). But we’ll also develop the strength to say: “I’ll make it to the top — no matter what.” via Motto
JANET MOCK, AUTHOR
"For me, it’s always been Maya Angelou. Her work, her memoirs, have always been building blocks for me. She’s also been a blueprint to go out and say that #1: My life story is worthy of being heard, #2: I can write it myself, I don’t have to give it to someone else, and #3: There’s more than one book about my life experiences and yes, you can be a memoirist and you can do it in a literary form that is also accessible. She was super important to me." via Medium
MORE FROM OUR BLOG
What Up Real World: 5 Recent Grads On What’s Next
Does the anxiety ever end? YEP.
The panic hits! You are suddenly a second semester senior starting to realize, “Wait, I have to find a job! I need to start making money! I'm not sure what I want to do!” Totally normal. The Washington Post found "only 27% of college grads had a job that was closely related to their major." And though some grads work all of college to secure their dream jobs, most have no clue what field they even want to be in. Does the anxiety ever end?
Maybe.
Fast-forward.
You are a recent post-grad in your new position. That old familiar panic starts to set in: “How do I feel about my job? Where do I see myself going? Do I even like what I am doing?” In a poll published by the Huff Post it was found "nearly 80% of workers in their 20s, said they want to change career paths." So if you aren't exactly loving your first job...it is completely normal.
The transition from college into 'the real world' is a learning experience. As a recent college grad myself, I thought who better people to ask than my friends? We're all in the same boat. So I spoke with 5 post-college grads to help us get a clear picture of what the beginning of their journey looks like and where they see themselves going in the future. It's nice to know all 5 grads have their own goals set, but are waiting to see where their paths take them-- one step at a time.
Emily K.
Last month I graduated from USC’s Annenberg School for Communication and Journalism. I studied Public Relations and minored in Communications in the Entertainment Industry. Just a few days after graduation, I began my job at Viewpoint, which is a public relations firm located in Beverly Hills. I’m currently working as a Talent Publicity Assistant. The job is exactly what it sounds like. I’ve been working at Viewpoint for about a month now, and every day brings something new. It’s hard to say exactly where I want to end up career-wise, but I could definitely see myself sticking to this path and eventually becoming a publicist. I could also see myself going down other paths in the entertainment industry. Only time will tell!
Zoe S.
I recently graduated from Lehigh University with a double major in sociology and women's studies with a minor in public healthy. Naturally, I had no idea what I wanted to do with that discipline, nor did I have any clue what skill set beyond college it prepared me for. As I proceeded through my college years, I got more and more confused with my own personal expectations post college. I did not know what I wanted to do. I could not envision where I belonged in this massive industry that is carved out for post-grad college kids. All I knew was that I wanted to be in a field that allowed me to interact with people. I love people; talking to different people, connecting with people, learning from as many people as I could. Yes, I would describe myself as a "people person," which to some might be a cop out, but for me it's my truth. I ended up being hired at this amazing company called ChowNow in which people are the focus of the business. We help business set up their online ordering, which may not sound so glamorous or stereotypically lucrative for a recent college grad, but that is false. Not only is it an amazing place to work with an incredible culture that cultivates strong, incredibly ambitious people, but, everyday, it is my mission as an account coordinator to interact with people. I never imagined finding a job that satisfied both my creativity and desire to belong to the growing "trendish" industry, while simultaneously allowing me to exercise my love of people, but, needless to say, I found the job that is absolutely perfect for me. Now, I have no idea where I'll be in 5 years from now or where I'm going in terms of big picture, but I know that I'm one step closer to figuring that out, and that is just alright for me.
Mackenzie H.
After recently graduating from The George Washington University I am now working as a Recruiting Coordinator at Publicis Health. Publicis Health is the third largest advertising network in the world, and first largest health network! I'm passionate about people and their careers, as a recruiting coordinator I pay an integral part of the Talent Acquisition process. Even though I'm just starting out, I see myself working hard to lead a Talent Acquisition team to facilitate growth and change within a health-based organization.
Nina B.
I just recently graduated from the University of Arizona with a degree in Elementary Education. For the summer I am working with a non-profit whose goal is to promote literacy for children coming from lower socioeconomic backgrounds and LAUSD schools. In August I will be starting a job as a teachers assistant in a second grade classroom. However, next year I hope to have a classroom of my own and eventually go back to school to receive my masters in Special Education. My future is very undecided, but for now that is the plan.
Emily P.
I just recently graduated from the University of Michigan. I am now moving to Austin to start my career at Facebook as an SMB Account Manager. I have always been fascinated with the interconnectivity of organizations through the shared purpose of helping others in their communities. I see Facebook as the perfect place to jumpstart my career as it is a platform for connecting people and organizations on a worldwide scale. I hope to continue to strengthen my knowledge of change management, practical development skills and positive leadership practices while gaining invaluable experience from the incredible people I will have the chance to work with. My ultimate goal is to strive for impactful change that has the ability make a difference on multiple levels - helping communities join together to change lives through corporate social responsibility.
Every person starts somewhere. Each person has their own individual journey. Hopefully the experiences shared by these recent college grads can help the rest of us feel a bit more at ease and accepting of our unknown paths.
Are you a recent grad in a job that you're MEH... about? Or maybe you LOVE what you're doing. We'd love to hear from you either way... Hit us in the comments below.
MORE FROM OUR BLOG
Ask the CEO: Would You Pay an Executive Coach?
Where do you spend the money when you're struggling?
Daina Trout, CEO and co-founder of Health-Ade Kombucha, AKA the fastest growing kombucha company in the United States, spends her free (ahem, what?) time mentoring younger entrepreneurs. She says it’s an important part of the process that she didn’t have when starting her company in 2012.
Trout explains that often, after speaking with younger entrepreneurs, she'll “discover that they’re trying to have their cake and eat it too. The whole thing about being a successful entrepreneur is that there is some major risk you have to take. That’s the price of the game. Whether it’s a financial or personal risk, whatever it is, you’re taking a risk. I don’t think you’ll meet any successful entrepreneur who didn’t have the moment where they thought, ‘Oh shit, everybody is telling me this is stupid, I’m the only one who thinks this way. I have to quit my job. I have no money.’ Everybody has those stories. So when I talk to the entrepreneurs who are trying to mitigate that risk by keeping their job and their apartments, I tell them, ‘We had to live out of our car, what do you think this is?’”
Not for the faint-hearted, that’s for sure. “When they talk to me like that, I say, ‘OK, you’re not ready to start a business. Give up your apartment for four years. You can’t live the life you have from a corporate, steady and sturdy job, and also start a business. That’s the whole point.”
"You can’t live the life you have from a corporate, steady and sturdy job, and also start a business."
Tweet this.
You can however, make an investment in people who can help you. Early on Trout made the decision to pay an executive coach to guide her. She says the first two years felt like, “physical labor against all odds." She also felt incredibly alone. "I never knew what the next step was. I didn’t reach out to anyone because I didn't know who to reach out to.”
But in 2014, when the company got its first investment, Trout shares that they took $15,000 to invest in leadership. There was an understanding she explains, that “If we expected to build this into a billion dollar brand and have hundreds of employees we were going to have to get way better at managing people. We were complete cowboys. So I said, ‘We can each have 5,000 dollars, do what you want with it, but it has to somehow build your leadership.’ I put together a coaching program and I’m with that coach still to this day and talk to her every two weeks. I don’t think I would be where I am today without her.”
Health-Ade now has 100 employees. “Meeting those 100 employees is a personal milestone. It’s one thing to lead five people, 25 and then 50, but 100 feels different and I’m being forced to tap into a stronger version of myself every year. This year especially.”
Of her coach, Trout says, “She hasn’t ‘taught’ me anything. That’s the thing. She's kind of like a really good therapist. She’s an independent sounding board. By the time you have investment you usually have a Board of Directors, but you can’t share every little thing with them. Also, I don't know if this is a gender thing, but most women I know have to get to their answer. That requires talking it out. And it’s usually right, but you have to get there. So having a coach is awesome. She knows everything that’s happening. She knows about my board members and who my employees are. We’ve talked every two weeks for three years. In that hour that I spend with her I’ll come out with a strong action plan to avoid problems I see coming.”
You don't have to pay to play. There are free mentors out there she shares (like at Create & Cultivate Seattle-- tix on sale NOW!). “My experience has been that when you ask somebody for help, they almost always say they have time.” Noting that there has only been one instance when someone said no. “You get on the phone, talk to people, they’ll answer all of your questions. They’ll share models, structure, the mistakes they’ve made, they’re happy to talk about it.”
She’s self-reflective on this point. “I probably didn’t have to go through those first two years alone. I would recommend finding people who you think did it right and would define as successful, email them. It’s not that hard to find anybody. Just write info@company and say, ‘I’m trying to get some time on the books with blank,’ it will almost always find the CEO, unless it’s Oprah. That might be hard.” However she laughs, “I haven’t tried.”
She explains that she made a pact with herself, that if she ever got past that stage, “the worst one to be in,” she admits, that she would go back and help fledgling entrepreneurs. “I really try to offer myself as a mentor to women in the first two years who need a little push. The people who really have it in them, they really only need a little push.”
Would you pay a coach? Chime in below.
MORE FROM OUR BLOG
#Careergoals + #Hairgoals: Find Out Why This Celeb Stylist Is Both
beauty boss.
Kristin Ess has been doing hair for more than half of her life. Since she was 15, the hairstylist whose roster includes Lauren Conrad, Lucy Hale, and Halle Berry, has said “yes to anything and everything” that came her way. The stylist and her trademark vibrant redhead has done the salon thing, the editorial jobs, the freelance route, as well as assisting hairdressers she admired for free “a lot.” In 2011 she launched The Beauty Department, aimed at bridging the divide between the glam squad and the every-girl, work she has continued as founder of Kristin Ess Hair.
Taking on the role of founder it’s only natural that her workload has gotten “more intense,” as there is now “more to see, more to create,” as well as “more to dream up.” But don’t expect her to start slacking as a result. With a new Target collab, she's only getting started.
“I try to be as original as possible,” says the mane guru. “I don't go on Pinterest and just copy whatever pretty visuals I see. I don't creep other hairdressers and copy what they do. I do my research and try to bring something inspiring to the table.”
Despite her superhuman hair prowess and boss ass hair flips (see: above photo), the mane goddess is mortal. Over the holidays Kristin says she was walking about her house crying, wondering if she would ever sleep again. Between The Beauty Department relaunch, Kristin Ess Hair, the steady stream of content creator, travel, and being down two assistants, she had averaged between three to four hours a night for four days. “I actually googled, ‘Can you die from exhaustion?’”
She didn’t.
The hairstylist doesn’t set goals, something she says may be “a big no no according to some, but so far it’s worked for me.” She also doesn’t have habits or routine. “The one and only habit I have is brushing my teeth.”
As for her relationship to herself and career she’s keeping it real. “I think I've started to judge myself a little bit more in the last five years,” Kristin openly shares, “which I never did before. I thought I would have launched my line sooner, I thought I would have traveled more, I thought I would have lost weight, I thought I'd be more organized, I thought I would have a bigger team. I never would have thought those things about myself 10 years ago. But you get into your 30s and you start being a little harder on yourself. I catch myself in the moment, almost every time. I stop, mentally step back and look at what I am/do/have experienced and I remember I'm doing fucking great.”
When her clients feel good, she feels good. And her number one takeaway for them when they leave her chair is that “That they've been heard. That I get what they want and that I can deliver on what they've asked for.” It’s simple, but powerful and is in harmony with what she sees as one of the next big trends in beauty. “We're breaking down the walls of overpriced beauty!” she exclaims.
In an industry not known for being soft, rather one that Kristin says “can be very competitive and sometimes nasty,” she’s focused on a positive future. Encouraging “women, both friends and people I haven't met, via social media and throwing down all the YAS KWEENS I can. We’re all in this together and no one woman is better than the rest.”
While it may seem that the follicular feminist's career is on fire ('cause it is), Kristin remembers a past and “very wise” client who told her, "You never want to be on fire. Fires burn out. You always want to be smoking."
"You never want to be on fire. Fires burn out. You always want to be smoking."
Tweet this.
Sound advice that has stayed with her. “I’ve never desired to be the most famous hairstylist on earth. I never needed to have every single celebrity in my chair. I just want to do my job really well for a long time, and hopefully people will love it whether they're famous or not.”
Kristin will be joining us in Seattle for Create & Cultivate Seattle on September 9th. Nab a ticket now, before they sell out (they always do).
MORE FROM OUR BLOG
We Asked 5 Incredibly Motivated Women One Very Important Question
See for yourself.
Do you feel like you’re in the driver’s seat of your career? Even if you work for someone else, you don’t have to be an unwilling passenger. You have the chance every day to create something great.
So we wanted to know: What Drives You?
What are you motivated by? How do you remain encouraged in cut-throat, 9-9 all-the-time working world?
Read through and then go ahead— take the wheel. You career is all about the journey.
“My biggest motivation is remembering that it’s not all about me, but the people who may view my work. It’s easy to get caught up in the selfishness of creating something because at the root of it all, it *is* my name attached to the piece, but ultimately, i’m doing everything for those that don’t know how to use their voice and talent just yet. i also have to remind myself that this path was the only path that i wanted to take when i was a teenager and if 14-year-old Courtney woke up everyday knowing she’d eventually photograph musicians for a living, then the least I could do is fulfill that dream. even when life gets a little rough.” — Courtney Coles, photographer
“I don’t know how to slow down so I am driven by the desire to create something bigger and better every single time we produce a conference. That comes in many forms. Panels that push the conversation further, mentor power hours that really deliver, and cultivating relationships with brands onsite. There is so much that happens over the phone or email, that when you’re actually able to build relationships with a brand in person, it’s amazing. For instance, Volvo drove their new XC60 into our NYC event but they also provided VIP transport for our panelists and speakers in their XC90. And after seeing ways to integrate in New York – now they are planning something cooler for Seattle. Integration can happen on so many levels and figuring out how creative a brand is willing to be is so much fun. You just never know what a brand will bring to the table and every single moment brings a chance for opportunity. It’s up to me (and you) to grab ahold of the wheel.” —Jaclyn Johnson, CEO Create & Cultivate
“Past professional (and personal) experiences, each with its own lesson, have an amazing way of building on each other and coming together over time. Seeing big ideas come to life by making unexpected connections (and a lot of hard work), drive me to keep on going and see what’s next.” —Emily Atlier, Marketing Associate, Goop
“What drives me is the knowledge that the state of the world today was caused by men and women who were not engaged enough in their communities and political processes. That somewhere along the line the narrative of “powerless” was believed, that we still hear the statement of “my vote or voice does not count” when in fact that same vote (or lack thereof) is what got us here today. It is a mere belief that stops most of us from taking our future and lives into our own hands. To change that, I don’t have to cause a mass movement, have millions of dollars, lobby in Washington or convince a senate and the 1% to all of a sudden start looking out for me. No. All I have to do is go into my own family and community and have an empowering conversation, and then another one, and another one...and what’s a simpler solution than that? To make people realize that the future, their future, is not in some politicians hand, but that it is truly and only up to us. Just like it always has been.” —Ann Kleinhenz, co-founder & executive director, Up To Us
"I always ask the people I meet what they're passionate about, what makes them wake up in the morning; I've found that this is a better indicator of who someone is versus asking what they do for a living. The thing that drives me with my work is the fact that I get to do what I'm passionate about: support artists, build community and use the arts to give back. I recognize that it may not be possible for me to change the whole world, but if I focus on what's in my hands each day (instead of getting bogged down by superfluous details and the "what ifs" of the future), I can make an impact in the world around me; and ripple effects are real.”— Michelle Young, Founder of The Box Presents
So what drives you? Tell us in the comments below!
Dream Big, But Abandon These 4 Dangerous Expectations
Aim a little lower, would ya?
image credit: Jenna Peffley
There's nothing wrong with holding onto your dreams and doing your damnedest to make them a reality, but expectations are the root of all failure. Mainly because there is no way for reality to hold up against them. Reality is messier. Reality is murkier. Reality keeps you real.
This year, we want you to dream big. But we want you to ditch these expectations that only lead you down the rabbit hole.
1. THAT YOU'RE OWED SOMETHING
You're not "owed" anything.
It's tough to accept that simply because you work hard, hard work doesn't always pay off-- at least in the immediate. But it's true.
There are plenty of other busy bees working equally if not harder than you. It's why every creative or successful entrepreneur we speak to tells us the same thing: work, work harder, and then by golly! work some more.
You're not owed a raise, a promotion, or a job. It's hard to argue with hard numbers. But in order to get a raise or advance your standing, you need proven metrics. You need case studies. You need to be able to not only show but prove your worth. Don't work for the congratulations, but because you enjoy it.
2. NEEDING TO "WIN"
Never take a deal you can't afford to lose. If you're expecting that your career or business rests entirely on closing ONE deal or making ONE sale, it is a one-way ticket to failure. Why? The energy you bring to the table will likely not be one of composure or clear-headedness, but they'll be able to smell that insecurity on you. People don't like insecurity because it makes them question not just you, but themselves as well.
"Never take a deal you can't afford to lose."
Tweet this.
More so, an obsession with winning can prevent you from doing so. You become so focused on advancing that you don't pay attention to what's in front of you: the small, over-looked details that will trip you up and allow others to get ahead. And when you do get tripped up... it's time to ditch this next expectation.
3. THAT YOU ARE THE SMARTEST
Self doesn't always know best. And most successful people will tell you to surround yourself with people smarter than you are. There is always something to learn, and if you think that you're the smartest person in the room, either look harder or find another room.
The expectation that you will be the smartest, the fastest, the [insert any est here], can actually be more detrimental than beneficial to your well-being. This article on women who regained their confidence after graduating to Harvard speaks to this. The three women describe the daily difficulties and high expectations as such: “Succeeding was the baseline. There were fewer opportunities to excel and do something praiseworthy.” It gave each of them a complex to get over, before they were able to get ahead.
4. THAT YOU NEED TO WRITE A "WAY WAY TOO LONG" GOAL LIST
Tina Wells, CEO and founder of Buzz Marketing Group says, "Know what you're going to do," and that "goals are important and you need to set targets that also have deadlines associated with them."
However, the marketing guru warns, "You should not have more than three goals." The why of these goals are equally as important. "For every goal you set, you should have a reason for why you want to accomplish that goal," say Tina. "If you don’t have a reason, then it shouldn’t be one of your goals!"
If we set too many goals, we have the expectation that we will and can achieve all of them. But overreaching is the first step in over expecting. You don't have to aim low, but aim just slightly about where you want to go. That way, if you fall slightly below your expectation, which is common, it doesn't feel like a failure that stops you from moving forward.
You can land on your feet and your dreams stay alive.
MORE FROM OUR BLOG
How to Rejoin the Workforce After Extended Time Off
What if you don't have recent work experience?
Figuring out how to get back into the workforce after extended time off can be frustrating. Many jobs want to hire candidates with recent work experience, and if you don’t have that, the job application process can be extremely daunting.
While it may appear as if you’re stuck in a perpetual state of unemployment, there are many ways to get back into the workforce after extended time off.
STAY ACTIVE
Even if you’re not working for profit, one of the most important things to do when you’re trying to get back into the workforce after extended time off is to stay active. Start volunteering at a local charity or at local businesses/community centers.
When you have a large employment gap and you’re looking for a job, the worst thing you could do is sit around. Staying active in your community will give you something to put on your resume and it will help you network. You never know who you’ll meet and who will notice your work ethic. A recent government study found that volunteering is associated with 27% higher odds of employment.
Volunteering isn’t only about networking, but it gives you something current to put on your resume. If your last position ended years ago, your resume may often get overlooked simply because of the fact that there is nothing current on it. However, if you start volunteering, you can use that to fill in the time where you weren’t working. Even if you volunteer once a week or once a month for a span of time, you can use that to fill in employment gaps.
NETWORK
According to studies done by Glass Door, referrals are associated with a 2.6 to 6.6 percent higher chance of an accepted job offer. Reach out to recruiters, friends, and industry professionals to put the word out there that you’re looking for a position. Often people won't know that you’re in the market for a new role, and if they don’t know, they can’t help you. It’s a very small world, and you never know who might have an industry connection or information on an upcoming availability.
Go out and get coffee with friends or family in your industry. Pick their brain and ask if they have any suggestions for how to brush up on your skills and get back into the workforce after extended time off. They may know of an opportunity which you can use to boost your resume or skill set.
Similarly, reach out to recruiters. People seem to have this notion that it’s better to get a job on your own instead of working with a recruiter, however, it is the complete opposite. Recruiters often have inside knowledge on positions that haven’t been posted to the public. They also have direct interaction with hiring managers and will be able to get your resume in front of someone immediately. How do you get in touch with a recruiter? Do a simple google search or look for recruiters on LinkedIn. Recruiters are always looking for strong candidates, so if you can reach out and highlight your motivation or skills, they will almost always be willing to help with your job search.
TAKE A CLASS
Are you volunteering and networking but still find yourself with extra time on your hands? Take the opportunity to learn a new skill or brush up on old skills by taking a course. If you want to get out of the house and have somewhere to go, look into community college courses. Don’t want to make that sort of commitment? Go for online courses which you can do at your own pace.
Platforms such as Lynda.com charge a small monthly fee and offer courses in many different areas. They’re all video based and let you take your time to finish them at your convenience. Aside from giving you something to do, this gives you the opportunity to add more to your resume. Have you noticed that a lot of the positions you want to apply for require knowledge of a specific software? Look it up and watch a tutorial video so you can put that you’re familiar with the software on your resume!
EXPLORE CONTRACT OR TEMP POSITIONS:
While there seems to be a negative connotation with the words “temporary” and “contract,” these positions can open many doors for you. Contract and/or temporary work can help you in 4 main ways:
- It will give you current work to put on your resume
- It gives you immediate income while you’re searching for a long term position
- It lets you network with industry professionals
- It gives you the opportunity to show off your capabilities
There is truly no downside to temporary work. While it’s not always smart to take a position in an industry or path you’re not interested in, temporary work gives you the opportunity to explore your options and networking opportunities.
__________
While it may be intimidating and daunting, there are many ways to get back into the workforce after extended time off. The most important things are to stay active and highlight your skills and abilities. Don’t be stagnant and wallow in your sorrows. Take charge of your life, get out there, and make something happen!
A native San Franciscan, Michele Lando is a Certified Professional Resume Writer and founder of writestylesonline.com. She has a passion for helping others present the best version of themselves, both on paper and in person, and works to polish individuals' application package and personal style. Aiming to help create a perfect personal branding package, Write Styles presents tips to enhance your resume, style, and boost your confidence.
MORE FROM THE BLOG
Should You Take a Job Outside Your Industry?
You need money, but you need to think big picture.
Is it better to take a job outside your industry, or wait until something better comes along? It’s a precarious situation. If you wait for something to come up, you might be waiting (and struggling financially) for a while, however if you do take a job that’s outside of your desired field or specialty, you may be settling when something else is right on the horizon.
When you’re deciding whether or not to accept a position, it’s important to ask yourself 3 main questions:
Is this the direction you want to take your career?
Is there room for growth?
Do you have the luxury of being picky about what kind of job you take or do you need to find something now (due to finances, employment gaps, etc.)?
Ultimately, if it’s not the direction you want to take your career, it’s not worth it. If you have the opportunity to take a new job, but it’s not the direction you want to take your career, it’s not worth the risk. If you’re exploring an opportunity because it has better pay or better benefits, that is a personal decision where you have to weigh the pros and cons. But think on this: if you drive 20 miles south when you want to go north, you’re going to have to drive an extra 20 miles back in the direction you want to go. Essentially, once you take your career in an opposite direction, it is that much harder to get back on track.
What will happen if you take a long term job that isn’t what you want? On the surface, it may not seem terrible. Everyone understands that you need to make a living and subsequently do what needs to be done to make that happen. However if you do take a long term job that isn’t in the direction you want to go, you might be creating more hurtles for yourself.
Think of it this way: If you have been working in business development but want to transition into marketing, the more positions you take in business development, the more likely you are to appear as a business development professional, and less likely to appear as a marketing professional. If you want to transition into marketing, a better way to go about this would be to take classes and volunteer to collaborate on projects with the marketing department at your current company. Then it makes sense when you apply for a marketing role. Even if you have to start at the bottom, taking a role in the right industry or field is an important step. The more you can put on your resume that’s marketing related, the more your marketing skills will be highlighted.
When you’re looking to transition jobs or roles, it is important to think about the big picture. This is where the “room for growth” question comes in. Are you exploring other opportunities only to find that you have to start at the ground? If you want to take your career in a specific direction, look for roles that point you in the direction of your goals. Focus on positions where there is room for growth, so that even if you have to step down a level in authority, you can take solace in the fact that the end justifies the means.
"When you’re looking to transition jobs or roles, it is important to think about the big picture."
Tweet this.
Everyone starts from the bottom at some point, so as long as there is room for you to grow and learn, there is nothing wrong with starting from scratch.
What Should You Do If You Haven’t Found the Right Opportunity, But Need Money Now?
If you are struggling financially and find yourself eager to work, even if it’s not the best position, consider taking a temporary role where you can explore your options and establish new connections. There is nothing wrong with taking a temporary or contract position to fill the transition space, however taking a permanent job is just that-- more permanent.
In this case, I always suggest that people look into temporary or contract positions. The partnership of "temporary" and "job" has a somewhat negative connotation, but I personally know many people (myself included) where temp positions have opened completely unexpected doors.
Temporary positions serve three main benefits:
They give you income while you’re in transition or in between jobs;
They give you the freedom to look and apply for other jobs while you’re still working without the guilt;
They establish networking connections and opportunities for you.
If you excel at your temporary position, chances are that you will meet people who can a) point you in the right direction, b) know of a job that may interest you, or c) will work with you to keep you at the company but progress to an area that better suits your qualifications.
There is no down side to taking a temporary position in between jobs, because if you don’t like it, you can simply end the position. Similarly, if you do find a better position, there is no need to feel bad about leaving a job or a company. A temporary position is made to be flexible, so companies are generally pretty understanding if you find a full time position that is better suited for you long term.
It can be frustrating when deciding if it’s better to take a job outside your industry or wait until something better comes along, but ultimately, you have to keep your eye on the prize. Focus on finding positions that will propel you in the right direction, even if you have to work your way up, and work hard to highlight your unique skills and abilities.
###
A native San Franciscan, Michele Lando is a Certified Professional Resume Writer and founder of writestylesonline.com. She has a passion for helping others present the best version of themselves, both on paper and in person, and works to polish individuals' application package and personal style. Aiming to help create a perfect personal branding package, Write Styles presents tips to enhance your resume, style, and boost your confidence.
MORE FROM OUR BLOG
Congrats on Your Failure
Four women share the J-O-Y-S of losing their J-O-B-S.
written by: Jane Helpern
At first glance, getting fired is...not ideal. In many cases, it's completely unexpected, and can render your ego and bank account severely depleted (a special thanks to last week's #spenderbender for helping slide into that unemployment office in style). There's no denying that being canned is a tough blow. We're talking emotional, professional, and financial damages -- especially in the short term (First rule: don't wallow! Get proactive with our essential job hunting tips here). But, as you'll read today, getting the ax can also be incredibly liberating, and function as the much-needed impetus for progress, growth, and change. Below, hear from four unstoppable women who masterfully manifested getting fired into their best career move yet. Because when life gives you pink slips, make pink lemonades.
Name: Allie Greenberg
Occupation: Brand Marketing Manager for Richer Poorer
HOW IT WENT DOWN: The way I was fired was actually pretty fucked. There had been rumors swirling around for weeks that there were mass layoffs coming down the pipeline. Since my company was so nepotistic, there were a ton of people there who spent more time at the free coffee bar or playing ping pong than actually doing any work - so this didn't seem that shocking to me. The week it happened, they sent out an all staff meeting invite where the big boss basically told everyone some people were about to be fired and how bad he felt about it. In retrospect, it was VERY Hunger Games. Since I worked on one of the busiest teams (generating content for a social audience that was over 10 million people at the time) working 50-60 hour weeks, I assumed my job was really safe. They had actually just brought on an agency to help support us because we were so busy and social media, in general, was exploding. I thought I was fine. Little did I realize they brought on the agency to replace us and the weeks prior when I was walking them through my piece of the puzzle I was actually training them to take my job.
“When life gives you pink slips, make pink lemonades.”
Tweet this.
HOW YOU FELT: I think there were about 60 people fired that day. Initially, I was really shell-shocked. My job paid quite well, I worked ten minutes from home, and I had become best friends with two of my coworkers. That said -- I hated that job. HATED. I had a boss that created a glass ceiling for me and stood in my way from any true growth or promotion. Plenty of ideas I pitched got killed and anything that didn't, I never felt like I actually got credit for. I loved the mission but didn't feel like what I saw on the other side was true to what we messaged.
THE TURNING POINT: I think while I felt supremely fucked over, I felt the massive relief of not having to get up and go to a job I hated. I also realized I kind of hated social media altogether and that I should take some time to think about what it was I actually wanted to do. I got a bunch of jobs offered right after I got fired but lived off severance, unemployment and rando freelance jobs while I waited for the right opportunity to come along. There were times where I thought it would never come along but yay, it did. Honestly it took awhile but THANK GOD I held out.
WHERE ARE YOU NOW: Honestly, nearly two years later at my current job I could not be more grateful for what happened. I have the most incredible boss who values me and my strengths and challenges my growth. She cares about making me better at my job and sees that by me being awesome at what I do I make her look more awesome. I truly, truly, appreciate the opportunities that come my way every day at Richer Poorer and the ownership I get to take in working towards a common goal. I never ever felt that at the job I was fired from.
Name: Kim Lash
Occupation: Sr Manager of Brand Marketing + PR at Nasty Gal
HOW IT WENT DOWN: I was working at a men's clothing brand to launch their women's brand. I was around 26-29 yrs old during my time there. I had dedicated almost all of my time and the majority of my energy towards this job. In some ways I lost myself in it. I was surrounded by mostly males in the hip-hop/action sports industry and often felt a lot of pressure. I got to experience some incredible moments and work with really talented people, but I also faced a lot of challenges. I sensed that some company changes were being made. Then one day they called to tell me the female division of the brand was being outsourced and they were letting go of the internal team immediately. At the time it felt extremely disappointing to be losing something I had worked so hard to launch. I knew it had taken over my life excessively, but being let go was still upsetting.
HOW IT FELT: Immediately after the job ended, I had a migraine for a week. I went to the doctor and she told me it was just stress. I had all this built up tension and it all came out when I stopped working there. I decided to take a couple weeks off before looking for a new role. During that time, I went to museums in LA I had never been to. I went to the beach alone. I felt my eyes were truly opened for the first time in a while. Then I started to interview for new jobs and was finding a lot more opportunities in New York. So after being in SoCal since I was six years old, I got up with no secured job and moved to NY. Shortly after being in NY, I got a job that was somewhat similar to my previous role. Then I decided to freelance. Most importantly I turned 30, I grew up, I found myself and I had a new perspective.
WHERE ARE YOU NOW: I am back in-house with a fashion brand in LA. And I am more grounded, while still being extremely dedicated to my job with a strong work ethic. By losing that job, I found how to respect myself. Ever since I have been much more fulfilled and better at my work.
“By losing that job, I found how to respect myself.”
Tweet this.
ADVICE FOR WOMEN WHO ARE STRUGGLING TO REBOUND FROM GETTING FIRED: I know it's cliche, but I think everything happens for a reason. Even if it feels horrible at the time, you will learn from the situation and grow while figuring out your next opportunity. There are always going to be positions that aren't a fit and positions that are a fit. I would say to go with your gut when making decisions regarding a new role. And that the people in your network who know you best are a great way to land new promising work.
Name: Sable Yong
Occupation: Freelance Writer & Beauty Editor
HOW IT WENT DOWN: I was working for a women's site that I like to dub the poor man's Refinery29, as an associate beauty editor. I was mined-off LinkedIn from a recruiter at that company and met with the Editor-in-Chief of the site. I wasn't super hot about the site, but as a freelancer, I figured it'd be good experience and a "legit" resume builder and career move. Anyway, she left the company three months in and was replaced by the living incarnation of Regina George, who in my eight months at the company managed to systematically pick off everyone on the team who wasn't on her agenda. After about four straight months of conflicting direction from the now three supervisors above me, I was pretty much always made to feel like I wasn't doing enough. Anyway, some weird Wordpress glitch about unsaved edits was blamed on me, and I was unceremoniously let go one Monday afternoon being told, "you've been asked to improve your work many times and we aren't seeing it so we have to let you go."
HOW IT FELT: It was a sucky feeling, but I'd be lying if my first reaction didn't involve great relief. I couldn't really get into it at the time, and there was a stern HR lady present to mediate or witness, so I was just like "OK" and got my things and left. It was ultimately for the best because it was confirmation that I should stop trying to get into an industry I want to be a part of the traditional way (i.e., starting with grunt work from the bottom and grovel my way up) and use my actual skills. When I wasn't distracted by my daily existential dread I could actually use my energy towards doing something fulfilling and career advancing.
THE TURNING POINT: When I went back to freelancing it was leagues better. I had greater insight into the inner-workings of the media/editorial world and way more editor and PR contacts. I was even, weirdly enough, mined from Google for a Dove campaign after their casting director found a story I wrote about dyeing my hair blonde. Generally, the pattern goes that any good opportunities that have come my way have been because of my own work that represents me, not a publication.
ADVICE FOR WOMEN WHO ARE STRUGGLING TO REBOUND FROM GETTING FIRED: Examine what you're really good at. Enjoy and do as much of that as you can, of your own volition. Marketing or positioning yourself to be perceived as someone experienced in whatever that thing is helps. Either way, I think when you approach what you want to do by playing to your strengths it works out better than trying to fit into someone else's mold. Also, always be saving your contacts.
Word to the Wise: “Always be saving your contacts.”
Tweet this.
Name: Nicole (No Last Name Given)
Occupation: Screenwriter
HOW IT WENT DOWN: I was fired on January 8th, the Friday after the 2-week winter break that is the only obligatory hiatus that the entertainment business collectively takes. During this hiatus, my mom had intense back surgery and I got in back-to-back car accidents; I knew something in the universe was off. That Sunday, the last day of winter break, I walked into my mom's room and told her, "I hope I get fired tomorrow." Low and behold, that Friday, I got the boot. Sometimes I wonder if I willed it. That entire week I noticed I was being dropped off inter-office emails. Things were being scheduled I wasn't privy to, only to find out that they were interviewing my replacement right under my nose.
HOW IT FELT: Getting fired is a shock to the system, even if you do will it. You immediately feel inadequate and useless. Stressors like money and career come flooding in. You rack your brain about the things you did wrong (in my case, not many) and you think about what you could have done better. I was very close with these women, and one of them actually cried in the room. When I reflect on that, I think they knew they were losing a good team member, but ultimately we had to go our separate ways. I always felt grateful for the job and I worked for a team of creative and smart women who were running a big network television show. A door into Hollywood is a door. I felt very lucky, and I still do.
“Getting fired is a shock to the system. You rack your brain about the things you did wrong.”
Tweet this.
THE TURNING POINT: When I was called in for the actual letting go, they gave me very vague reasons. "You know Nicole...it's just not a good fit anymore." Months later, it couldn't have been more clear. I hadn't written a single page of a screenplay. I hadn't been creating for TWO YEARS. My creative brain is a driven one and I needed to take the leap to see if I could actually thrive on my own. I would have never quit my job; a paycheck somehow always trumps the real work that needs to be done. I realize now I should have quit a long time ago, but I never had the courage. Despite by my affection for the women I worked with, I knew that they didn't value me creatively. I brought them a book that I thought would make an incredible animated series. They very quickly turned the idea down. It was then I knew that perhaps we just didn't vibe creatively. So I wrote a treatment for the series, kept it to myself, and now 8 months after being fired I am very happy to say that I am turning that same idea into a television series.
The week that followed my firing I made a full 9 to 5 commitment to screenwriting. I popped out two pilot scripts, finished my film, and got a series into serious development. I made a deal with myself: every single day, even on Sundays, I send at least one professionally intended e-mail, text or phone call. My main professional takeaway is to trust your own taste. Getting fired ,if anything, was just fodder for another good story.
Jane Helpern is a freelance writer, copywriter, and founder of Jane Says Agency. She enjoys helping brands find their voice, writing about fashion and feminism, and walking-at-an-incline-with-wine™
MORE FROM OUR BLOG
Jessica Alba Has a Crucial Piece of Advice for Your Career
It took getting over this insecurity for Honest to grow.
Photo by Sarah Natasha.
Jessica Alba might be a boss (of a company valued at over $1billion) but she doesn't dress like your average businessman or woman. When she took the stage Saturday at Create & Cultivate she told the audience the story of her first business conference.
"I feel like everyone here will appreciate this. I showed up to my first business conference with my business partner and it was 98% men. I was wearing a Dolce & Gabbana leather mini-skirt-- I had tights on-- and my partner told me, 'This is really inappropriate.' But I said, 'This is my business casual.'"
Jessica being Jessica is a move that paid off. Yet another example of power of authenticity, something that's a through-line of every conference we host.
Interviewed by former Create & Cultivate keynotes Katherine Power and Hillary Kerr the women openly chatted about preconceived notions and how people not taking you seriously fans your flame.
Here are our four favorite takeaways plus one piece of crucial advice every single woman should hear.
NO, THAT'S NOT THE PASSION.
"My journey into entrepreneurship is very similar to a lot of people. I found a need and an opportunity in the marketplace. I wasn't the only one who wanted a healthy, cleaner, high performance product that was beautifully designed, delivered to your door, and was transparent. And had a social mission. I was dreaming up a company I thought should exist and would touch home with a modern person. I went through three years of rejection and running into brick wall after brick wall and everyone in Hollywood looking at me sideways. They all asked me if I could do a perfume, and I said,'No, that's not the passion.'"
MAYBE YOU'RE ON TO SOMETHING
"I went down many different roads. I honed in on the idea. I took a 50-page deck and turned it into 20 pages and asked myself 'What are the essentials you need delivered every month?' The day-to-day stuff."
BUSINESS PARTNERSHIPS ARE LIKE AN ARRANGED MARRIAGE
"I liken getting into business with someone as getting married right away, without ever dating. It's kind of like an arranged marriage, but you're into it. And you have to have respect with whomever you're in business with. You have to communicate. You have to be in it to win it. It's a real partnership."
THEY CAN'T TEACH YOU THAT IN BUSINESS SCHOOL
"There were people who didn't take me seriously-- pretty much everybody. One investor really didn't value me, the way I deserved to me valued. I could have gone with him and given up a huge chunk of the company. But because I really felt like I deserved more than that-- and I don't even know what it was or why I was so stubborn and resistant to that money, access, and distribution, it just didn't sit right. When I started a company I undervalued how important it is to trust your gut. They can't teach you that in business school. You have intuition and you have to listen to it."
SUPPORT YOUR WEAKNESSES WITH OTHERS' STRENGTHS
"I was super insecure about not having a college degree or a conventional education. And I really thought I wasn't smart or didn't deserve to have a seat at the table. I felt like a fraud in business settings. It took me getting over that for the company to get on its feet. It doesn't matter if you don't have a degree or expertise. Surround yourself with people who have done it before and support your weaknesses with their strengths."
More from our blog: