We Need to Talk: Are You As Exhausted by Harvey Weinstein As We Are?

Are you exhausted? We’re exhausted.

Asking ourselves, what’s the point, when every day feels like Groundhog Harassment Day. The rotation of recordings. Men saying nasty shit. You don’t want to listen, but you press play anyway. And you shudder when you think about all of the one-sided conversations you’ve had that sound just. like. that. 

Is your head on your desk? Are you thinking about the times in your youth that someone harassed you and you said nothing. Are you angry at yourself for being too young or too scared to speak up. Mad for not knowing. Mad for knowing better and turning the other cheek anyway. Only to have it grabbed. Are you wondering, did you need that job that much. Did you stay on board for the health insurance. The financial security. Did you laugh it all off because that's how you showed up the next day. And the next.  

Are you wondering how much of yourself you've sacrificed for your career. How many other women have you sacrificed in the process as well. Are you thinking about the story your friend told you about her boss that referred to all female clients as cunts. Or the boss who said he’d love to take you to dinner to talk about your future at the company. The one who wanted to photograph you. Who needed you to come over late at night. Or the male colleague who got you fired when he found out you made more money than him. 

The news cycle about the allegations of rape and harassment against Harvey Weinstein are exhausting. It's likely bringing up years of shit you haven't thought about. Microaggressions. Maybe macro ones.  

We're just like you today. We don't want to read anymore, but we can't look away. We see ourselves in these stories and we keep wondering who will speak up next now that the gates have opened? 

It's OK to feel down. To feel exhausted. To wonder what's the point. 

Five minutes. 

Harvey Weinstein wanted Ambra Battilana Gutierrez to stay for five minutes. We want five minutes of peace.

So what's to be done?  

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Even though one in four women in the United States report experiencing sexism in the workplace, many incidents go unreported. Women fear losing their jobs, being seen as difficult, or think that a lawsuit will prevent them from securing another position. Women in high-level positions don't report harassment, especially when they work for larger companies, because they don't want the information to go public. Similarly, large corporations often settle in mediation to avoid the public shaming of the company name. Some companies have employees sign arbitration agreements upon hiring so that any future legal matters are handled privately.

So what are the best ways to handle and deal with sexism and harassment in the workplace?

SHOULD YOU CONFRONT THE PERP?

It's not your responsibility to school employees. Or teach anyone a lesson. But if you think standing up for yourself is the right move and shows that you can stand your ground professionally and personally, one of the best approaches is to ask the harasser to repeat what they said. The act of making someone repeat and joke or a comment and making clear that you don't find it funny is enough to make it stop. There are some fires that can be put out without dragging your boss into the mix. If confronting the situation head-on is not working, it's time to take next steps. 

KEEP A LOG 

If you are experiencing overt or subtle sexism in the workplace and you know a conversation or confrontation will only make it worse, start tracking it. There are jokes, comments about co-workers' appearances, and more that offend some and not others. If you are experiencing workplace fodder, harassment, or more, that makes you uncomfortable, you don't have to lie to kick it with your co-workers. Meaning: don't let the peer office pressure of being the one employee who doesn't find it funny stop you from tracking incidents. The sexual harassment suits that are taken the most seriously are those with the most data. 

BEING AFRAID TO REPORT IT IS OK. BUT REPORT IT.  

Report it to a supervisor you trust. If you work for a company that is large enough to have an HR department, take it to them. We know this is scary and that you're worried about losing your job. But ask yourself two very important questions: 1. Is any job worth feeling that uncomfortable? 2. Do you want to work for a company that doesn't take harassment complaints seriously? If they are willing to overlook and dismiss concerns of this nature, you can be sure that they do not value you as an employee. 

"Ask yourself: Do you want to work for a co. that doesn't take sexual harassment claims seriously?"

Tweet this. 

WHAT HAPPENS IF YOU'RE STONEWALLED?

The reality is, many women who work in both the private and public sector have experienced sexism in the workplace. Part of the issue is that all companies outwardly profess support of women in the workplace as well as a zero tolerance policies regarding sexual harassment and discrimination. Behind closed company doors, it's a little different. If your concerns are going unaddressed and there are no disciplinary actions taken, it's time to talk to an attorney. An employer may be held liable for the conduct of the employee if the employer knew or should have known of the employee’s conduct and failed to take prompt remedial actions. The complaint should be made in person and in writing, and you should keep a copy of for your own records. In the complaint use the log you've created to state specific acts and dates and what effects the harassment is having on your job performance. 

Note: states have varying time limits on how far from the date of incident the lawsuit can be filled. You will also need to file with the Federal Government. You have three hundred days to do this. Most lawyers' fees come from a percent of your settlement or verdict. 

For more information on sexual harassment visit the U.S. Equal Opportunity Employment Commission to read the Policy Guidance Documents Related to Sexual Harassment.

Need to Read Now: ABC Shark & Investor Calls Out Men Big Time

What else do women have to do to be taken seriously?

Seriously. 

We're still battling egregious sexism in tech and finance. This week made the blatantly clear. And earlier today, Chris Sacca, a former American venture investor (he was an early investor in Twitter and Uber), and ABC Shark Tanker with a front-seat to the happenings in Silicon Valley published the following essay on Medium. (We encourage everyone to click and read the whole thing.)

A crucial except reads:

“In my mind, because I hadn’t acted in a way that exploited an imbalance of power or vulnerability in a VC-founder relationship, I’ve generally considered myself one of the “good guys.

But’s that’s the crucial lesson I am learning right now in real-time: It’s the unrelenting, day-to-day culture of dismissiveness that creates a continually bleak environment for women and other underrepresented groups. I contributed to that, and am thus responsible for the unfairly harder road that everyone other than white men must travel in our industry.

I am sorry.

It’s also become clear to me that I didn’t consistently use my power and influence to call out bad behavior by industry peers. The passive acceptance of exclusionary words and deeds is not okay.”

To this we say YES, but we also want to know why? Is it something we said? Or wore? Or didn’t. Does misogyny and gender-biased investing really run that deep? Yeah, it does and a vital element of what Sacca is saying is that even well-meaning men are part of the sexist hamster wheel. To this we say: work harder. The investor is going on record that “As a white guy, even before I made any money, I benefitted from extensive privilege.” 

A privilege not afforded to women or any minority. 

"Even well-meaning men are part of the sexist hamster wheel."

Tweet this.  

Outspoken entrepreneur, founder and CEO of MakeLoveNotPorn and self-professed “Michael Bay of Business,” (she blows shit up) Cindy Gallop took to her Twitter in praise of Sacca’s words. Gallup tweeted: “Tech world has missed out on many female-founded potential unicorns bc of systemic bias + sexual harassment.”  

It’s a bias that runs through almost every single meeting. Even though, as Austin mayor Steve Adler pointed out at the beginning of June in response to an angry letter about a female-only screening of Wonder Woman, “What if someone thought you didn’t know that women invented medical syringes, life rafts, fire escapes, central and solar heating, a war-time communications system for radio-controlling torpedoes that laid the technological foundations for everything from Wi-Fi to GPS, and beer?”

Yeah, what if. Again, is there something else we need to do to be taken seriously? More beer? Better GPS to steer you away from your sexism?

Earlier this month, Neil Blumenthal, co-founder and CEO of Warby Parker, told the crowd at inaugural Vanity Fair Summit that as his wife, Rachel Blumenthal, was securing funding for her company Rockets of Awesome her experience was vastly different than his. “When my wife was raising money,” the CEO shared with the crowd, “every male VC would ask, ‘How do you spend your time?’ She would say, ‘What do you mean?’ What they meant was, ‘You have kids.’” This was always a deterrent for male investors. Neil went on to say, “When I raised money VCs would use kids as a reason to bond with me. ‘Oh I have a great nanny recommendation.’ It’s insanity.”

Here’s ONE of the many problems woman face: it’s the every damn day micro-aggression (like those that Sacca refers to) that make women question their own competence. Micro-aggressions grind slow, but they grind fine. And they make us wonder if we truly do deserve a seat a the table. Or the money. Or the position. (Yes, we do.) But it’s hard to continually pump yourself up, when the world around you wants to bring you down. Or when we have a sitting President calling out a woman’s supposed freakin’ facelift on his Twitter. Talk matters. 

"Micro-aggressions grind slow, but they grind fine."

Tweet this.

So does putting your money where your mouth is. Investing in female-led and diversified companies IS the future. Those who aren't on board are welcome to fall off the ship. Men aren’t owed a life-preserver at this point. 

Women like 52-year-old former Wall Street maven, Sallie Krawcheck know this. Krawcheck who once ran such elite institutions as Merrill Lynch, Bank of America, and Smith Barney, is leveraging her 30 plus years of professional expertise to help women build and invest wealth and “unleash women’s financial power.” With Ellevest, Krawcheck is on a mission to close what she calls the “gender investment gap,” an extension of better-known disparities such as the gender pay gap and the gender debt gap. “I have become truly convinced that getting more money into the hands of women is a positive for everyone,” explains Krawcheck, asserting that the “gender investment gap” costs professional women hundreds of thousands of dollars, if not more, over their lifetimes. “Closing this gap helps the women themselves, but also their families, society, and businesses. It also solves a lot of society's problems: for example, the retirement savings crisis is actually a women's crisis, given how much longer we live then men (and that we retire with less money than they do).”

Cindy Whitehead, CEO and founder of the Pink Ceiling is on the same mission. “What rips the sheets off in the morning for me is fighting injustices," the CEO shares. "It is an injustice that women get 2% of funding. It’s a ridiculous idea that half of the population only has 2% of the good ideas.”

They say a woman’s work is never done. But not this time. This time men should heed the words of Sacca and put in the work.

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